Catching up

week 3 has  been a busy week. I guess that's why didn't have any time to blog. We are moving full into the halfway mark and things are speeding up. Tuesday during group education the doctor came in to talk to us about what patients want to know and how doctors can help them about living with chronic pain. We made a good  brainstorming list for the dock. I had a break and can you see elegy because Andrew is away at a conference in Banff. We found out that Saint Joe's hospital is the leading edge in chronic pain for Canada. He was explaining at a conference the inter-disciplinary team that they have going on in Thunderbay.  It's apparently world noun. I do do cardio because I knew I was going swimming and knew I couldn't do both. I just took my time that day. I came home and napped and then went to the pool to me to the aqua fit class. I met Tracy and got into the pool and did a Robeks for an hour with everyone else  i'm glad it to say that I was able to lat people which I haven't been doing in a long time. I came home sore and tired and spent the day resting. Wednesday was an ordinary day of Wednesday Ness. During OT we had a good chat about the equipment I'm going to need to order my benefits and getting a doctors appointment  October 20. I'm glad to finally have the appointment and now it's coming up. My OT doesn't think I'll be ready to go back to work Intel anytime before six months. I need to heal myself before I can take the challenges of the world again. I'm going to talk to my nurse practitioner about that during my appointment on the 17th. The psychologist and I had a good chat together and made a plan. Thursday A lot of us were sore tired because many of them went swimming on Wednesday and the hydrotherapy pool. We also did tai chi during morning exercises. We had a stress management class drink with education. I also went out  with some people from class for lunch after cardio. I made it eight minutes on the stepper machine. Lunch I had wonton soup which was delicious. It's great to feel included and being part of the group. It's hard with my position at work but it will make through. Megan I had a good chat after as well. The realize Asian's of life are setting in and realizing that this is a long-term thing that I'm going to be dealing with and not a quick fix.  I was hoping to go back to work at Christmas but realizing that that's not a possibility is heartbreaking. Realizing that the walkers a full-time thing and although it helps so much it's a pain. I look at stairs negatively and they hurt when thinking about how to walk down them safely. Dammit equipment is overwhelming gonna going to need and I just want to be treated like an ordinary person in an ordinary life. I cried when I start to process And wonder how. I was supposed to have a psych appointment with my psychologist that I had been meeting in Ottawa over Skype but that didn't work out as she was sick. I'm still wondering what happened to that appointment. I emailed her but no response back. I really hope she's OK. Friday I  got myself into the pool during community fitness class. I didn't want to go but knew I was meeting Janice after so give it my all. I did fitness in the water for 35 minutes which I was proud of myself for doing. I got a huge like Clara but still there and feel sick and tired. I'm Cheryl go away with time. Life continues to go by friends continue to come. I'm happy for the friends that come. It makes me feel important. It makes me feel loved. It makes me feel  like I belong. I also enjoy the text and phone calls of people gift. I know it's hard and our busy schedules but I like it. I picked up Danielle from the airport and here we are sitting in the hotel hanging out and doing fun things together trying to be normal. The pedicure was great yesterday that I had on Friday relaxing my feet in a non-stressful environment. My body is so stressed and so toxic and it's hard to figure out the mind-body connection.I can't believe how much PTSD that I actually have and that is the real thing. So long my friends in the ordinary life in the ordinary world happy Thanksgiving and eat lots of turkey.

Day 14

I feel a bit upside down today.  I started off doing the exercises with Matt in the group.  I then moved on to Karen who worked on my foot some more. She's not sure about the drop in it and where it's coming from.  The neuropathy is there but no reason to why it's they're or what it's connected too.  Kim told me earlier that day that their going to hold off doing the neurology outpatient referral until I see dr mc cloud.  He needs to sign off on the referral so it does make sense.  It's almost though that their not sure that's the route that should be taken at this point in time.  I'm confused about where to go from here.  What should I be doing if that program doesn't work out?  Where should I be going? It's puzzling and left me uneasy. Mark and I spoke briefly about this and he basically said it's a wait and see game of life.  Either way I'll be fine and taken care of.   We talked about how I didn't go swimming and the anxiety barriers.  He encouraged me to call the pool back again to hopefully get a response about the accessibility of the centre. I am going tmrw with other people so that will help. I'm happy about that.  In group today we had a motivational speaker who lives with chronic pain. Her story was intense but good to hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I did 7 minutes of cardio today as well.   It was a good day, just a bit more unsettling than I hoped.

Day 11/12/13

The break for 3 days was nice.  It was a time to catch up with life and relax.  I slept a lot.  I did get out of the house each day which was a goal of mine.  Went to chapters on Friday, out for breakfast on Saturday and then for a drive with Jacqueline on Sunday.  She mainly chatted about work which brought my own anxieties back as well as apprehensions.   I want to be back there a lot and grieving the fact that I can't. I loved going through the Autumn covered leavesdriving by the water.  So peaceful.  Sunday evening I had a self hatred time.  I beat myself up and called myself every name in the book.  I didn't complete my goals and it hurt realizing I didn't complete them.  I was discussing this with Meg. She suggested I do the last o e which is as to create a self image poster.   That way I could hang it by my bed so that when I go to sleep I can read it.  My other goals were to use the walker in public and to go swimming 3 times.  Maybe one day I will get there.

Day 11

Today was a crap day.  The balance was off all day and the dizziness was intense.  I didn't do cardio or individual exercises today.  There was a fire drill. I was given the heads up that there would be a drill so I could make my way outside.  I just left after that.  Tracy and I met for my individual session and I found my awareness to be better than my participation of recreational activities.   I'm excited to start swimming again.

Wednesday day 10

Day 10 was long.  I had both OT and Psychologist today.  Stacy the Psychologist gave me good tips on how to safety plan and prioritizing my goals.  OT was hard.   I admitted the dropping and the falls.  She gave me some tools to borrow and try out.   There's a tube that goes over the fine motor materials.  It helps a lot.  I also tried this device that assists with putting on the socks.  I took both home to try out.   Kim the OT was our group education class speaker.   She basically showed us tools we can use to help with every day life.  She's going to try to arrange a group cooking class on meal prep.

After group I was over stimulated and ready to quit.  It's hard work trying to manage your life and realizations of pain.  I went to paint nite in the evening.  A few people from work also went.  It was a social time to gather and just be normal.  I used the tubing for my paintbrush and it helped my grip.

That's all for today.